Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Tue Oct 1, 2019 7:21 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

It has been a while since I last wrote here. Almost a month and a half, in fact. I would like to make excuses, but apologizing to myself seems rather comical.

My efforts in befriending the raven have borne fruit since my last entry. Meeting up with him in the gardens has become a nightly event and once he tired of the games being played with the meat scraps, we moved on towards actually trying to understand one another. I was successful in establishing an emphatic bond with him so we had the basis of emotion to build off of. From there, establishing further trust and communicating ideas became much easier. 

We tend to start our 'conversations' by telling each other about our respective days. The method that seems to work best for us is simply speaking normally in each of our native languages - a mix of Common, Ataiyoan, and hand gestures for me and a mix of vocalization, flapping, and a sort of dancing from him - while mentally sending each other images that correspond with what we're saying. I daresay he understands me much better than I can understand him… but we're making solid progress. He seems to find the idea of me being beaten with a stick as a part of my training to be very humorous. By the same token, I find his descriptions of his arguments with the local squirrels to be hysterical. 

I continue with my attempts to strengthen our psychic bond further and seem to be making good progress. Perhaps someday soon we will be able to communicate much more clearly, but until that time, we seem to both be content with working slowly as we are now.

Aside from the raven, my physical and magickal training have been continuing apace. I have gotten used to the previously mentioned body hardening training to the point that I no longer feel more than a light stinging from any of my digits after training. Sensei has continued teaching me more of the bunkai of the kata and I have been making sure to incorporate more and more movements into my daily activities. It's truly amazing how it doesn't feel forced to do so, either. I mentioned just that to Sensei a few days ago and he responded to me, "That is because there is no movement in the Te that is beyond the natural movement of the human body."

Now that I think on it, I can't argue. Every part of what Sensei has taught me, beyond the Iron Shirt and other body hardening training, has all been things that I was able to perform without any special training or practice. Following that logic… shouldn't more people know Te? I understand why there wouldn't be any around Ataiyo, or more specifically Nisshoki, since the political ramifications are still quite strong here for them to teach openly. But why have previous students of the Te Masters not gone on to teach others outside the capital? Maybe they have, but simply not in the numbers I am thinking… Hmm… more to think on later. Perhaps I can take students of my own once I return to Gulu? Now there's an idea…

Anyway, as for my magickal training, I am now able to utilize any three elements at my disposal simultaneously. Albeit, I can only do so for about ten minutes at a time, but that is still an improvement from where I started. Four is currently beyond me. It just takes too much concentration for me to focus and maintain a steady flow of magick right now. So while my long term goal is to be able to maintain all of my elemental manipulations indefinitely simultaneously, right now my current goal is to be able to hold just three steadily for an hour before moving on to the next short-term goal. I hope to succeed in that goal within the month.

Moving away from my various and numerous training, I wanted to document an… oddity I've noticed from Yukino  recently. She has gotten strangely quiet around me in the last few months. That is not to say that she avoids me or does not initiate conversation at all with me. She has just simply been… more reserved, I suppose would be the best descriptor, around me than she has previously. I have caught her looking at me silently while I'm doing innocuous tasks around the inn on numerous occasions. It also seems that, despite her being less verbose around me, I tend to run across her around the inn more often than I used to.

I do not know what has caused this change in behavior, but since it is not interfering with the household's ambiance or our friendship, I will continue to remain silent on the change. I am mostly just curious as to what caused it… Thinking back, I believe it first started to show up a few days after my venture into the storm to learn how to manipulate galvanic magicks… But I can't fathom what about that incident would have prompted such behavior from her. She does not seem angry with me, but that's the only negative emotion that I can think of that she might have felt about that considering the tongue lashing I received from her afterwards…

It will have to be pondered upon.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 8:51 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Training continues on as it has been. Sensei is now satisfied with my progress with hardening my body against damage and pain, but wants me to continue with the training to maintain what I've obtained. It's still painful training, but I've definitely gotten used to it over the months. I also finally broke a plate while cleaning up after dinner. Yukino was… not pleased, but very understanding. I feel that she was more exasperated than anything else, if I'm being honest.

Sensei laughed at my plight, but took me aside after I finished cleaning up to discuss ways for me to limit my strength when it is unneeded. While he gave me some exercises to do that would help me learn better control, our discussion basically came down to me having to spend time practicing to limit how much strength I use while doing day-to-day activities. Annoying, but ultimately not unexpected.

While my personal accomplishments may not being overwhelming in recent weeks, I have made great strides in building a relationship with the raven that hangs around the inn. It seems that the raven thought of the entire thing with the meat scraps as a game. It would only be the exact distance to the food as I was and it took me deducing that fact, then putting my finger on the scraps, for the raven to actually eat any of it while I was sitting there. It seemed to find the entire thing hilarious, letting out calls that I can only describe as laughter once it had eaten the scraps and flown back up to the awning.

It then changed the rules of the game.

It would keep an exact distance from me and would only move closer or further from the food based on my position. At first I thought it was just based on how close I was to the pile, but when I went to step around the pile, the raven actually rotated its position so that it was on the opposite side of the food from where I was. I eventually figured out the rules and let the raven reach the food… and the rules promptly changed the next day.

Yukino finds the entire thing both amusing and, in her words, "cute." I… disagree, but I know that such things are a matter of perception. 

I have attempted to use my magic to commune with the raven, but have had limited success thus far. I can… I suppose the word would be feel (but it doesn't quite encompass what is being experienced) the raven's mind and only the most basic of emotions, but I am not yet able to send or receive any clear ideas or thoughts. The raven seems to understand what I am trying to do and seems amenable. Therefore, I will continue our daily "games" and my attempts to open a more direct line of communication with it.

I should also take some time to continue training further with my elemental manipulation magick. I feel that I now have a firmer grasp on controlling it and would like to expand the number of elements I can control at the same time. I will still, however, be extremely careful with testing the limits of my manipulation. I do not wish to have another… Incident. 

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2019 10:25 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Further attempts to entice the raven (I have managed to verify that it is a raven due to its size and the shape of its tail feathers) have gone well. Yukino has even taken to sitting along the edge of the walkway behind me and watching our interactions over the last week.

The raven will now enter the garden proper, but still watches me carefully without approaching the scraps any closer than I am sitting to it. I have tested this distance twice now by first moving the scraps closer to me and then further away after waiting for a short while. It seems odd to me that a bird normally known for its willingness to eat carrion in close proximity to other scavengers or predators would hesitate to eat the scraps of food freely offered when I have never made a motion to hinder its approach or even its taking of the food. After she realized how I was disposing of the scraps from the kitchen, Yukino told me that this particular raven had always seemed to be much more canny and intelligent than the other birds that frequented the area.

Perhaps the raven truly does find me to be a curiosity?

I think I will try to place the food very close to me tonight and see how the raven reacts. Worst case, it doesn't approach any closer than it already has previously. Best case… well, who knows?

Sensei has recently increased the scope of my body hardening training. It seems that my torso and limbs are all sufficiently toughened against blunt damage for Sensei's taste… and he has decided to ensure that even my fingers and toes can withstand the punishment that Te can put upon them. The pebbles I once gathered and placed into the pots that I have been using as grip and weight training are now going to be used to toughen my fingers… and the bokken will be used to toughen my toes. The exercise for my fingers has me stabbing my hands in a straight downward thrust into the pots' interiors (thus burying them in the rocks) and then spreading my fingers wide to carry the pots across the dojo. When I tire out from carrying the pots with this new method, I am to simply stab my fingers into the rocks fifty times each. Thankfully, my previous training with carrying the pots has helped immensely with performing this exercise properly and I have only injured a few fingers thus far.

As for my toes, I am simply to firmly, but not so firm so as to break the bones, hit each of my toes with the bokken fifty times each. It is extremely painful, but I am very easily able to notice the slow results it has produced so far. My healing magic (which Sensei has since discovered and exploited ruthlessly) has quickly taken care of the various sprains and jammed digits, but it will still take a large amount of time before I am completely used to this new method.

I actually worry a bit at how… physically strong I have become. I have found myself almost causing the plates to break from my grip a number of times when it is my turn to clean up after meals. It has not occurred yet, thankfully, but I have had to be very mindful of what I am doing with my hands since discovering this. I have not yet brought it up to Sensei or Yukino, but I feel the time when it becomes necessary to do so is drawing closer. Perhaps they will have some method of gauging and adjusting my usage of strength beyond the trial and error method I have been using thus far.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:44 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

I have made a new friend. Or rather, I have begun to.

I should probably explain. I have recently begun to relax and meditate in the small garden found in the center of the inn after my kata practice. During my relaxation, I noticed a raven alighted along the edge of one of the buildings surrounding the small courtyard garden. It would occasionally give out a caw at me when I would look up at it, but it mostly seemed to just watch me curiously. As if wondering what I was doing.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever described the inn in my previous entries. The Yamada Inn, or Yamada-sou, is situated along one of the main thoroughfares of Nisshoki and has a two-floor front face. The main building is situated in such a way that guests only ever see the greeting area before being led to their room in one of the other two outbuildings through the sliding doors immediately opposite from the main entrance. Through a partially concealed side door is the kitchen and the stairs leading to the second floor of the main building where supplies and extra bedding are stored. Once through the main building's back door, there are covered walkways that lead to either side of the main building where the two guest outbuildings are located. Both buildings are only a single story and have three guest rooms in each of them (one of which being my own). Behind both of those buildings, opposite from the main building, is the family home of Sensei and Yukino which also houses the dojo. The family building is also a two-floor affair, but I have never seen any part of its interior except for the dojo. In between all of these buildings is a small open-air courtyard that Sensei's late wife made into a garden. After her passing, Yukino has since taken up its care and has done an admirable job of keeping it beautiful.

And now I have found it to be the perfect place to relax after a long day of helping around the inn and training. Which leads us back to my new raven (or is it a crow?) acquaintance that I digressed from. 

As I said, at first it would only caw at me occasionally when I actually noticed its presence, but after a time it seemed to find my presence itself a vast curiosity. After several weeks, I began to ignore its presence and focus on my mediation or just the ambiance of the garden, but made sure to bring the small scraps of meat that Yukino had discarded with me to leave for it. I would place the scraps on the ground a small distance away from where I intended to sit, then sit down and go about my business, completely ignoring the bird. That first week, it never came down while I was still there… only swooping down to scoop away the meat after I had stood and left the garden. This last week, it actually swooped down to land on the edge of the covered walkway opposite of where I was seated a number of times, but it still did not enter the garden.

I am curious as to how close I can entice it to approach me. I have never before had a pet, but I have always gotten along well with the few stray dogs there were in Gulu. I would not being opposed to forging a closer bond with this bird… I do recall that the druids I've seen around the kingdom seemed to be able to communicate with many of the animals around them. Perhaps I should attempt to use my magic to aid in my attempts? Would that even work?

I wonder if their ability to communicate with animals is derived from learning the mannerisms of those animals or if they actually use magic to aid them? Or is it some combination of the two? Even if it is magic, I'm almost certain that learning an animals mannerisms and what they mean won't hurt anything.

More testing is required.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2019 9:02 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

It has been several months since my last entry, but I feel like I have made great strides in all aspects of my development except for my magick. That is not to say that I have made no further accomplishments on that end. I have simply not focused on increasing the breadth of my skills as of yet. Despite my newfound focus on balance in all aspects of my life, I have made the conscious decision to take my time with my magick. After my… explosive exploration into what I am capable of doing with the seemingly tamest of the elements, Sensei and I agreed that it would be prudent for me to focus my magickal endeavors on simply gaining control of the elements and learning how to bring them under my quickly until doing so became as simple as breathing.

This decision came after a long discussion with Sensei as to how I went about harnessing my magick in the first place. After I explained my method of self-hypnosis, which Sensei quickly pointed out was very similar to the state we both fell into during kata practice. Using that insight, we both agreed that simply learning to feel out and control each of the basic elements should be the first step. After that, I can begin to test the limits of that control and discover what I can and cannot do with each element by itself and in conjunction with other elements. After my early success with water and air, and having already successfully produced ice during my testing, I began my attempts there. It started out shakily, but I was able to form and control ice on my very first attempt. While the temptation to further test my limits was strong, I was able to resist. Bolstered by my success, I was able to quickly do the same with fire.

Earth and lightning, however… Well, I think that part of my early failures stemmed from the fact that I simply did not have enough understanding of the forces at play. While I was able to control earth after about two weeks worth of attempts, my control was… abysmal to say the least. As for lightning, I wasn't even able to form a spark.

I can report, thankfully, that shadow and light worked exactly as I expected it to. I believe that controlling both of these elements with such ease originated from my early education with Father Sidney. Before leaving my home of Gulu, Father Sidney made sure that I was armed to protect myself and others against the undead. Accordingly, he made sure to teach me the spell he called "Sun Strike." I have only needed to use it a handful of times, but that foreknowledge allowed me to grasp how to control the light element… or at least what I assume is an element. With my understanding of light, it was surprisingly simple to turn that logic on its head to allow me to control the darkness. While darkness strained against my magick a great deal, I was able to maintain my control with minimal effort.

Which, unfortunately, left me befuddled as to how to do the same for earth and lightning.

After another two further weeks of attempting to further my control - or in the case of lightning, simply gain control - of the troublesome elements, I decided to take a break and step back from my efforts. I admit to being rather stubborn when it comes to accomplishing my goals, but once again Father Sidney's wisdom rang clearly through my mind. He taught me long ago that "when you are faced with a problem you can't solve on your own, there is no shame in asking for help." So, I took my concerns to Sensei. 

He, unfortunately, did not have any further ideas for me to try. Yukino, however, surprised me. She had been bringing us tea after my kata practice was completed for the day and overheard the last part of the conversation, which prompted her to ask what the issue was. I quickly went over the basics of how I call upon my magick to control the elements and the trouble I was having with both earth and lightning. She simply responded with a joking: "Why don't you sit out during a storm and use your magic to figure out what lightning actually feels like in nature?"

I could have slapped myself. 

Unsurprisingly, the very next time I heard the rumblings of thunder in the distance, instead of doing what every other person in Nisshoki was doing (getting themselves indoors), I went down to the piers and settled myself in for the long haul. Sensei called me an idiot when I told him what I had planned and even Yukino shook her head at the fact that I was going to actually follow her flippant idea, but neither of them stopped me from going out. As the rain began to fall in sheets and thunder rolled through the air, I just closed my eyes and allowed tendrils of my magick reach out into the sky… not controlling anything. Merely waiting… and feeling.

And then the first bolt of lightning struck… and I felt.

Unlike what I originally thought, it didn't start from the sky, but from the surface of the water! My magick followed the trail of the lightning from the water up into the clouds. It also seemed to flow along the same line multiple times in quick succession. Moments later, the sound of thunder shook the air around me, so close was the lightning. 

As much as I wanted to attempt to call upon the lightning and control it with my magick, I knew that to do so in these conditions was foolhardy at best and fatally stupid at worst. So, I simply maintained my patient vigil, merely allowing my magick to feel the storm in its entirety. I don't know how long I sat there like that, but when the storm finally passed and I could no longer feel the lightning in the air around me and I opened my eyes, day had already faded into night and I was soaking wet. I squeezed as much water from my robes as I could and beard, then shook myself off a bit once I had regained my feet. Finally, I held my hands in front of me, just slightly apart and willed my magick to produce lightning.

It worked splendidly.

I could only grin with satisfaction at my success as I watched the small sparks of lightning crackle between my palms and fingers, making them tingle slightly. I then allowed my magick to return to its neutral state and began making my way back to the inn. Finally paying attention to my surroundings, I felt the cold seeping into my body from the storm and winds. I knew that I would probably end up sick from this little excursion, so I did what I could to help stave it off by willing the air around me to warm up. It did not work quite like I expected it to, but it was better than nothing. When I finally slid the front door of the inn open and stepped inside, Yukino was there to meet me with a scowl and a towel.

After ensuring that I wouldn't drip water throughout the inn, she dragged me towards the bath and shoved me inside with orders to get into the water and warm myself up. I left my wet robes in the dressing room and followed her directions, having learned long ago that to ignore her instructions was a sure way to end up eating tasteless food for meals for a week. 

I must have dozed off at some point, because I can't remember anything else from that night… just waking up in my futon the next day.

Once I had succeeded with one element, it was merely of following the same sort of simple logic to succeed with the other. Albeit, Yukino did not let me leave the inn for three days following my venture out into the storm… or as she calls it, my "Idiotic Adventure of the Idiot Magician." I didn't have the courage to argue with her. 

Anyway, after I was allowed out from under Yukino's watchful gaze, I was able to find a quiet location outside the walls of Nisshoki and allowed my magick to flow into and feel the earth beneath my feet. After a few hours, I was able to better understand what exactly was going on under the ground and why I was unable to control earth previously. As much as I thought of earth as unmoving and stable, the truth couldn't be further. I already knew it from my childhood playing in the dirt, but many creatures made their home below the surface of the earth. I simply did not know how many there were. Furthermore, even discounting all the bugs and moles and other subterranean creatures, the ground itself was not as still as I had originally assumed. It moved… ever so slowly, yes, but even so, I had never before thought that such was even possible.

After learning these new facts, I was easily able to bend the earth to my will with my magick. Satisfied with my progress, I returned to the inn with a smile on my face.

Beyond my achievements with my magick, I had made even greater strides with my physical and mental development. That being said, I feel like this entry has gone on long enough, so I will not go into too deep of detail. Of particular note is the fact that I now know the purpose of Iron Shirt training. That purpose being to harden my body against blunt force strikes and inure myself to the pain of being struck. Amazingly, Sensei proved the point by allowing me to strike him with the bokken as he went through the kata and breathing exercises. Sure enough, Sensei neither flinched nor budged from the strikes and simply continued through without pause. 

As for the mental aspect… well, before writing this entry, I went through my previous entries as I have habitually done… and I noticed something. Early in my journal, as I was searching for mere knowledge, I noticed that I regularly made errors that I struck out and had to rewrite. I even made light of that fact in one of those entries. However, ever since I began learning Te with Sensei, I can see I clear change in my writings. There seems to be a vastly reduced number of errors (mostly from incorrect word tense now) and I have not needed to strike out any of those errors due to misspelling. Whether or not this change has a direct correlation with my physical training, I do not know, but evidence support such a theory is numerous and strong.

I have grown used to the level of training I am currently at, even with Sensei increasing the difficulty on a regular basis, but if he has noticed… he certainly isn't intent on increasing the difficulty at this point in time. I will simply do what I am instructed to do until the time comes to increase my training once more. 

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 3:32 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

I'm so stupid, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I have said it dozens of times to myself and more than a few times in these journal entries, but I knew that Sensei wanted me to lash out at him. I just didn't know why. Well, now I know first-hand as to the reason. It was really quite simple. I have no idea how many students Sensei has taught before me, but I know now that of all of them, I am - by far - absolutely the most patient of the lot.

I have…been taught this day that there is a difference between training and learning… and that while I have soared past my long gone senpai in the speed and intensity of my training regimen for the amount of time I have studied under Sensei, I have simultaneously fallen grossly behind in learning the most important lessons that Sensei can impart. For, you see, Sensei was completely incapable of teaching me those lessons properly due to my own pride and hubris. By excelling in learning the many lessons Sensei taught me, I became confident (even overconfident) in my skills and myself and grew proud. Unfortunately, unlike most young students Sensei has dealt with before, my confidence was tempered by my patience. 

So before Sensei could even attempt to shatter my confidence and show me exactly how far I still had to go from there, he first had to eliminate my patience as the barrier it had become. And therefore, Sensei began to pressure me physically and mentally… and continued adding on to that pressure slowly, but surely, until I finally cracked. 

When it finally happened, Sensei merely stood there as I crashed against him again and again, like the waves of the ocean against the rocks along the shore… guarding only his vital points from my attacks. This lasted only a few minutes… and then Sensei started to truly teach me. The first time he moved to do anything other than defend a vital, I found myself with my back on the tatami, my vision spinning and my chest aching from the single strike he gave me as he swept my feet from beneath me. I recovered after a few moments, not knowing how he had countered me so quickly and easily. I knew what he had done, but did not see him do it. So, warily this time, I attacked again with a straight punch towards Sensei's face. 

No sooner than my arm had half-extended… Sensei redirected my punch with one hand, grabbing my wrist in the same movement, turned his body to one side while pulling my arm in the same direction it had already been going, and pulled my entire body up and over his own. I remember my back hitting the tatami, Sensei keeping a hold of my arm as he walked around my head (kicking it along the way while twisting my arm in a mildly painful manner), then wrenched my arm to force me onto my stomach lest my arm be removed from my shoulder and kneeled down on said shoulder with my arm stuck straight up into the air held securely between his knees. Only then did he let go of my a wrist with his hands… if only because he no longer needed to keep his hold.

In less than five seconds, I had gone from standing strong and attacking… to being pinned face-down, completely unable to do anything aside from trying not to further provoke my Sensei. From that position, he needed merely to lean forward slightly while holding my elbow secure and he would break my arm backwards. That said nothing of the fact that he could strike the side or back of my head freely, to devastating effect, or anywhere else on my upper body and I could do nothing to stop him. At that point in time… no, I realize now that at any point in time since I began training, I have been completely at the mercy of Sensei.

Even had I not attacked him first, with the amount of strength and skill Sensei has at his disposal, I am certain that he could have left me bedridden or dead at any point in time if only he had been so inclined.

Which, of course, was the entire point of the lesson in the first place. 

I had erroneously assumed that I would learn all of the skills and training Sensei had to teach, then move forward with the rest of my life and future goals without a second thought. I know now that such was never an option to me… I just hadn't yet understood that fact.

Now I am beginning to understand that Te is not just some set of movements or attacks or a method to defend myself. No, Te is a lifestyle.

After Sensei allowed me to return to my feet, he began showing me how the kata worked. It became no longer a set of movements, but instead an expression of self. How what I thought was a punch in the kata was really a throw. How an innocuous motion at the beginning and end of the kata was actually a method of restraining a foe. How I finally noticed that the way I changed directions from each section of the kata during the countless times I had done it myself was the exact same way that Sensei or Yukino always managed to avoid bumping into guests that suddenly came from around corners in the inn.

The Te was not just some lesson to learn by rote and move on. The Te was something that was incorporated into all facets of your life and practiced constantly. Opening the sliding doors of the inn? That was simply redirecting an incoming strike. Sweeping the floors? Merely the motion for tripping an opponent with my staff. Sitting down properly on my knees at the low table? Well, that was exactly how Sensei sat on me to render me completely helpless after throwing me to the tatami, wasn't it?

Sensei calls this knowledge 'bunkai.' He explained it as such: "Kata is form. Bunkai is application. Never allow the form to become so rigid to the point that the application becomes useless." 

With this new light shown on my previous teachings, I now understand exactly how close to the starting line I still am and how much more I have to learn. Having said so, I have now redoubled my own efforts in the dojo and slowly integrating various parts of the kata into my everyday movements. I now hold no ire towards Yukino and her previous reactions to my grumblings. She did, indeed, know what was in store for me. What's more, I now realize that she had every confidence that I would pass the test her father had presented to me without my knowing it.

Looking back at the entire situation, I now understand that this was the proverbial 'moment of truth' between Sensei and myself. Would I cling to my pride and angrily curse him or would I learn the lesson he was imparting on me and continue as I have? I think… I think that they both knew how I would respond. Now that I think about it, it is nearly impossible to live under the same roof with another person for more than half a year without coming to understand them in many subtle ways.

Truly, this day has been quite the humbling experience… but I am now prepared to move past it and actually begin to learn.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 1:53 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

I have been patient. I have been, I feel, very understanding of the fact that Sensei has been teaching me in a manner that, frankly, outright frustrates me because he is the master and I am the student and he is deserving of respect regardless of my personal feelings. But enough is enough. At this point, my lessons are bordering the sadistic and still Sensei has explained nothing of the purpose for the additional training measures. Yukino's knowing smirks and giggling has stopped being funny or cute. I am done with waiting. I will confront Sensei during today's lesson and either get the answers to my questions from him… or no longer be a student.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 5:42 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Apparently having enough energy and time on my hands to hurt myself testing out the limits of my magick means that I'm not being challenged enough by Sensei's instruction. So Sensei has decided to increase the frequency and difficulty of our sessions.

I had just started to get used to the routine of steadily lugging the rock-filled pots back and forth across the dojo, but now Sensei has me doing it by slowly lunging one step at a time while still not allowing the pots to touch the tatami until I reached the other side. On top of that, during kata training, Sensei has begun putting me through what he calls 'Iron Shirt' training. What, you may ask, is 'Iron Shirt' training? I'll tell you what it is…

It is PAIN and AGONY.

This is a poor explanation, I know, but the heart of the matter is exactly that. At this point, Sensei has not offered any sort of explanation as to what, exactly, this 'Iron Shirt' training is supposed to do… and I am in entirely too much pain to think of any reasonable explanations. The training consists of Sensei taking a hard wooden practice sword, or a bokken in the local vernacular, and beat me all over my body with it as I slowly go through my kata. If I flinch away from the bokken or make an error in the kata, I am forced to start the entire exercise over again from the beginning.

Some of the places he strikes me make sense, such as striking my arms and wrists at the exact moment in the kata where I would reasonably expect to have made contact with something in an actual physical engagement. But some of the places he strikes me make no sense to me! What good does hitting me in the calf do? Or my inner thigh? Or, even worse, on my shoulders near my neck or in my ribs under my arms? I am doing my best to not think ill of my teacher, but I can't help but feel that Sensei is taking more than a little bit of satisfaction in beating me black and blue. 

I don't think it's the case, but it could be related to how Yukino and I have been becoming better friends over the past few weeks. As far as I can tell, neither of us have any sort of romantic feelings for the other, but we have definitely been becoming closer to each other. Perhaps a mild protective streak?

Regardless, the training has increased to almost devilish levels and my patience is running thinner by the day. Speaking of which, I am now absolutely certain that my Sensei is trying to shatter my patience and make me lash out at him. I have absolutely no idea WHY he is trying to do so, but he has been quite obvious in his prodding at my known irritants. Yukino, sweet as she may be, has not helped any at all, either. If anything, her knowing smirks and giggling have only irritated me further… and her complete refusal to explain why her father is intentionally testing my patience has me at my wit's end.

Ugh… Yes, I wrote out 'Ugh'… I feel like it really needed to be put to parchment to emphasize my complete lack of energy at this point in time. Enough thinking for one night… I am going to go take a bath, Heal my bruises, crawl into my futon, and turn off my brain for the night. Perhaps tomorrow will grant me additional insight or patience… or both? One can hope…

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:42 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

After further consideration and going over previous entries, I have determined that the conditions of 'being hot' or 'being cold' is caused by how fast the air is moving and not the other way around. I say this because it was I that caused the state of the air within my sphere of influence to 'completely stopped', after which the water within the air froze due to how cold the air was. Since everyone knows that the sun causes the day to become warmer, does that mean that light causes warmth? Again, the initial theory seems sound, but I am not sure I can test it sufficiently at this time. I need to write to Father Sidney and request advice on how to manipulate light the way I have learned to do with air and water. He previously only taught me the spell Sun Strike… which, I'll admit, I could study and disassemble without too much difficulty. However, I have not been writing to Father Sidney as often in recent days compared to the beginning of my quest. I'm sure he would appreciate the opportunity to impart knowledge and advice to his most determined pupil once again.

Besides, I have plenty of things to mull over at present time anyway. I have performed two additional tests with my elemental manipulations since my previous entry and have come up with curious results.

The first test I performed was an attempt to separate the small amounts of water in the air from the air itself. Because I expected to end up with a small amount of water as a result of my test, I decided to perform them at the docks. I chose a side where no ships were currently docked so that I wouldn't be in the way or bother any of the crews or dock workers with my presence. Being closer to the water, I also expected there to be more water in the air than there would be further into the city, thus giving me better results.

I began by extending my control as much as possible to gather as much air as I could, which ended up being only large enough for me to have fit inside of the sphere if I were sitting down as I was at the time. After I had control of the air, I focused my water manipulation into the sphere and concentrated on pulling every speck of water within to one side of the sphere. In a very short amount of time, a globe of water began to form and increase in size near my left hand. Once my manipulation could pull no further moisture from within the sphere, I released my control over the air and was left with a wobbling sphere of water about the size of my head floating above my left hand. I deemed my test a success, even though I was certain that my control over the sphere of air had weakened a number of times, allowing more air to enter while I was pulling away water. It was a success because I was able to confirm that there was small amounts of water within the air and that I could separate the two elements with my magick.

That just left my last test… and since I already had water at-hand, there was no time like the present. My next test was the opposite of the previous test: I was going to attempt to pull air from the water in my hands. My theory was that because air bubbles formed and released from water when it was heated, there must be small amounts of air within water. So my test was going to see if this was true… and if I could actually separate them with my magick.

I began by forming another small sphere of air around the water… then began to pull against the water with my air manipulation. It was difficult… very difficult… but it worked. I was forced to close my eyes to concentrate to get it to work initially, but once my magick began pulling the air away from the water, it became much simpler to continue the process. However, when I opened my eyes to watch the process, I almost lost control of the entire thing due to my surprise.

Within the sphere were now three substances: the noticeably smaller sphere of water, the clear air that I was pulling away from the water, and a white smoke… or mist. I don't know what it was, but its presence startled me because of how unexpected it was. And once I had returned my attention back to the sphere of air I was controlling as a whole, I also noticed the increased heat emanating from it. Why, I did not know. I wasn't intentionally moving the air around as quickly as I could to cause it to heat up, but for some reason just by separating the air from the water was causing everything to heat up. Was it the white mist? Or was it being caused by the act of separating itself? Regardless, I continued pulling the air, curiosity winning out against the small voice of caution in the back of my mind.

As I watched, I could see the water dwindling away as the space taken up by both the white mist and clear air got larger… and once the water completely disappeared, all that was left was the mist and air. The mist took up the majority of the small sphere while the clear air was focused near my right hand. Tentatively, I released control of the small pool of air within the sphere and watched as the mist quickly swirled in and mixed with it, leaving the entire sphere as a smokey rotation.

And then the sun came out from behind the clouds that I had not noticed until just then.

At first nothing happened… but after a few seconds and without any warning, the sphere exploded in a fiery blast with a loud 'boom' right in my face. That was the last thing I could remember before I was being shaken awake by one of the dock hands who had come to investigate where the loud explosion had originated from.

At first, I couldn't hear the man at all. It was very disconcerting to see someone moving their lips in speech, but not hear anything aside from a piercing ring. It was at this point that I began to take stock of myself and realized that my hands and face were burned and that the explosion had damaged my ears. There was also an odd smell in the air, but I ignored it in favor of my injuries. I quickly motioned for the man to stop trying to talk and gestured to indicate that I couldn't hear him. Once he seemed to understand, I focused my magick inward and began to heal myself like Father Sidney had taught me to. Slowly, but surely, I could feel the burns on my body and the ringing in my ears disappear. Once everything seemed normal again, I explained to the dock hand that I had been testing the extent of my magick and one of my tests had unforeseen complications.

After verifying that I was okay one last time, he went to report to his supervisor what had happened and I made my way back to the inn. When I returned, both Sensei and Yukino immediately burst into laughter at the sight of me, much to my confusion. It took Yukino dragging me to the door of her room and bringing out her small metal mirror to show me my face for me to understand their amusement. When the explosion burned me, I didn't think about what else it might have burned away.

Namely, the hair above my forehead, my eyebrows and patches of my mustache and beard, which I had just started to attempt to grow out the previous month. While my Heal spell took care of my wounds, it apparently didn't do anything to restore hair to its previous state. Well, I suppose it can't be helped…

After explaining to Sensei and Yukino what had happened, Sensei laughed even harder at me before banning me from practicing my magick within the dojo any longer. While annoying, I couldn't fault him in the least for his precaution. If something as seemingly harmless as air and water (not as a large storm, either) could cause this much damage just by manipulating it a certain way, what would the obviously dangerous elements like fire and lightning do? That being said, I have vowed not to repeat that particular test until I have a better understanding of the forces at play or have someone that does present to act as a safety net for my foolish curiosity.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Tue Jul 9, 2019 7:56 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

TRULY I am a fool!

The answer was right there in front of me the whole time! I was just too much a fool to understand it! It came to me while watching Yukino make soup for supper this evening. I was pondering the ramifications of there being water in the air that could be frozen merely by stopping all movement of the air around it when the steam rising from pot where Yukino was cooking. I believe I surprised us both when I dashed over and placed my hand over the pot to feel the steam. While it was mildly painful, I feel that the pain was well worth the knowledge my actions produced. For when I checked my hand upon bringing it away from the steam, I found my hand to be covered in beads of water!

From the act of simply heating up water, it caused small amounts of water to rise up on the hot air above it! And the bubbles within the soup! I couldn't believe that I didn't realize until just then that just like there were small amounts of water in the air, that there could also be small amounts of air in water! That is something I will have to test out at a later time, but it is still an amazing bit of information! What's more, I should have realized all of this much sooner! Surely, if I knew that water turns into ice when it gets colder outside, why wouldn't I realize that water would move faster in the heat?! And when water turns into ice, it becomes unable to move; it literally becomes frozen!

That would mean that when it gets cold outside during the months of Glaciem, the air is moving slower! Whether it becomes colder because the air is moving less or the air moves less because it is cold, I do not yet know, but there is a direct connection between the two. 

Wait a moment… if heat makes water rise into the air… does that mean that the storms that come ashore… the clouds… is that all just large amounts of water floating in the air? That would mean that rain… rain is nothing more than the water that rose into the air when it was hot finally cooling down enough to fall back down! And I know from my days growing up on the Mamlak peninsula that all of that rain water flows back to the rivers… and that the rivers flow to the oceans. By the gods… it's a cycle!

Both Yukino and Sensei are looking at me worriedly now. Perhaps my laughter sounded a bit too hysterical? I really should stop writing in my journal when I'm not in my room, but I fear that if I do not write down my thoughts immediately, I may forget something important later when attempting to put my thoughts to parchment. 

And now Yukino is tutting at me and insisting I eat supper. I shall ponder further on the things I've realized today and experiment further when next I have the opportunity.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Tue Jul 9, 2019 4:54 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Studies with Sensei have been going apace now that my body is used to the punishment of training. While kata training is no more difficult that it was previously, Sensei has begun to incorporate more and more body strengthening exercises. He has not presented them as such to me, but the meaning and intent behind the exercises were not difficult to discern. In fact, were it not for Father Sidney constantly insisting that I use my mind as much as possible growing up, I believe I would have already lost my patience with Sensei's teaching methods. By 'teaching methods,' I mean that he tells me to do something and I do it without any further explanation from him. Such was rather irksome for me at the beginning of my training, but I now realize that his method of teaching is itself its own form of test for me.

Having been living here for several months now, and having known Sensei for just as long, I now realize that he is teaching me in this manner while fully expecting me to lash out in anger and frustration at his methods. He knows me well enough to know exactly how inquisitive I am and that for me to unquestioningly follow instructions is very much not to my taste. Having realized that fact, I have been reigning in my emotions and thinking thoroughly through every instruction he gives me even as I am following them immediately after he gives them. By doing so, I have been able to notice my clear advancements from when I began, which led me to the conclusion that he did, in fact, have a reason for his seemingly illogical instructions. I simply was not privy to those reasons, nor was he liable to reveal them to me presently.

This has forced me to pay even closer attention to myself and the exercises he has been having me perform. Much of it seems like simple weight training, helping me increase the strength of my many muscles. However, the tools I am forced to use are… unusual, to say the least. For instance, for one of my very first exercises that was not kata practice, Sensei had me fill four large clay pots using rocks from the streets around the city. However, they were all to be no larger around than the nail of my thumb. The task took me two weeks to complete and I came back to my room every day tired beyond belief. Once I had completed that task, those four pots became my new training tools. The next exercise had me carrying the pots two at a time from one end of the dojo by gripping the lip of the pots with my hands, dropping the pair off, then doing the same with the other two. Once they had been brought all to one side, I would have to take them all back over to the starting position. I had to repeat that entire process ten times before I could move on to kata practice for the day.

Sensei also has me striking a board of wood wrapped in rope on a daily basis. There are two such boards set up in the dojo, one at chest height and one at ankle height. I must perform one hundred strikes with each hand and foot before I am allowed to move on to the aforementioned strength training and kata practice. What frightens me more than anything else about the intensity of training I have been forced to go through thus far… is that I am perfectly aware that I am still considered a novice and that this is just the beginning of the training regimen. I fear that in a few months' time I will look back upon this journal entry, remember the current amount of effort and pain I am being put through, and laugh at my past self while thinking fond thoughts of these simpler times.

Yukino just read that last line over my shoulder and instantly started giggling unreservedly while walking away. While my immediate thought is that I should probably stop writing in my journal when I'm not in my room, I can't help but take her actions as more reason to reaffirm my previously mentioned fears. Enough about that though!

While practicing with my magick, something… unusual occurred that I'm not entirely sure how to explain. Therefore, I shall write down my observations and attempt to draw conclusions afterwards.

I have recently mastered manipulating water to the same level I had reached with air previously. That in and of itself, while impressive with how quickly I was able to do so, was not what was unusual. I decided to focus on controlling my air manipulation to a finer degree and ended up experimenting a bit. I attempted to keep a small sphere of air completely still and unaffected by the winds constantly blowing near the docks. I had expected it to be difficult, but I had more trouble than I had initially assumed.

Separating the sphere of air was no more difficult that usual, but keeping it unaffected by the surrounding winds while keeping the air within the sphere still proved to be mentally and magickally taxing. However, I did manage to perform the feat for a few seconds! But this is where the oddity occurred… When I released my control of the air, several small crystals of ice and frost fell into my lap. The cold surprised me, but more than anything I could not understand where the crystals had come from! Of course, the ice quickly melted in the heat of the day, but I was instantly curious as to how the ice was even able to form in the heat in the first place. I have not yet tried to learn how to control ice or to turn water under my control into ice. I knew that theoretically I would be able to magically will water to be cold enough to turn into ice once I applied myself to the task, but I had been focusing all of willpower into keeping the air under my control completely still - not making water cold enough to freeze!

Thinking that my proximity to the lake may have been a factor or that my control of water may be at fault, I returned to the inn for the day and, with Sensei's permission, tried the same thing in the dojo. Without the winds fighting my control, the attempt was much easier to handle. Once I felt that I had successfully stopped the air's movement within the sphere, I slowly opened my eyes while maintaining my control. To my amazement, I could actually see the sphere of air due to the layer of frost slowly expanding around it. I quickly let go of my control, which caused the sphere to collapse and once again dump the quickly melting crystals and frost into my lap.

This time I was certain; I was completely focused on my air manipulation and not on my water manipulation. So where did the water come from and how did it get turned into ice?

After some thought, I have come to only a single conclusion that makes any sort of sense, but it will need much testing to try and verify. Somehow, though I do not understand how, there must be a minuscule amount of water within the very air around us, even though there was no water source in the immediate vicinity (nor was it raining). This is the only explanation as to where the water I was able to turn into frost came from that fits the current information I have. However, that begs the question of how the water turned to frost just from me stopping the air from moving? There is an obvious connection between the two events, but I do not yet understand what that connection is.

I will need to ponder further on this at a later time.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Mon Jul 8, 2019 10:35 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Two weeks to update this time. Better than before, but still not the once per week I was intending to do. I guess it can't be helped… Speaking of which, the people of Ataiyo have a very impressive cultural history. I know that seems completely off-topic at first glance, but I am seriously impressed with how much history and meaning I keep finding in the everyday actions and mindsets of the people I regularly associate with. Yamada-sensei's daughter, Yukino, has been helping me learn the local dialect on top of helping her father in teaching me the Te kata her family protects. Oh, yes! That's another concept that's completely different from anywhere else I've ever been!

Back in Gulu and Mamlak, the only people that were considered 'senior' to you in status were those that were older than you, those in positions of power like religious leaders and tribe elders, and those from nobility. While all of those are true here as well, the Ataiyo people also recognize an ideal called 'senpai'. A senpai is anyone that has been in a position longer than you have or that has more experience than you at something. Accordingly, I have been calling Yukino-senpai with her proper honorific whenever we are in the dojo. It was a bit difficult for me to wrap my head around the concept initially, but Yukino truly is a good senpai. She makes sure to do her best at tutoring me in whatever I'm trying to learn, even though she's 2 years younger than I am.

It was strange showing such deference to someone younger than myself, but I believe that oddity came from the cultural norms of my home more than anything else. I know for certain that my mother made sure to beat any ill thoughts about women having greater status than myself out of me at a young age. So that definitely wasn't a factor! All I know is that I have been surprised at the accelerated pace I have been learning at these past 2 weeks and that the experience has been extremely satisfying to me. 

Now that I have finally gotten used to the physical training, I have been able to spend more time focusing on my magickal training. Neither Sensei nor Yukino are very skilled with magick, so I have been having to study and teach myself through trial and error. I have found that the key for me to utilize my magick easiest was a mild form of self-hypnosis. As long as I believe myself capable of performing the magick, then I am able to do so. It certainly seems to be counter-productive and illogical, but it works for me. The most difficult part of the process was finding an appropriate place to practice that wouldn't bother the people around me. I have recently strengthened the amount of power behind my air manipulation as much as I'm comfortable within the city walls. I feel like I still have room to grow in power, but I fear that if I take it any further at this point in time that I may cause unwanted damage to the people and properties around me… especially in the event I lose control.

So I am left with the choice to either focus on increasing my control of air manipulation or attempt to learn a different elemental manipulation. If I choose the former option, I think the best way would be to maintain a moderate amount of power while decreasing the amount of air being manipulated. The also might hold true, as well… trying to maintain control of a larger amount of air while keeping the amount of power steady would probably work, too… The initial logic seems sound, but I would be wise not to assume that the magick or air will act as initially expected.

Another of Father Sidney's excellent adages: "Wise is the man that expects the unexpected to happen. Wiser is the man that plans for that inevitability."

The latter option… if I had to choose a new element to attempt to control, I think that water would be both the safest and easiest to attempt. I would need to find a source of water to practice near on a regular basis. I somehow think that Sensei would frown fiercely at me were I to practice in the bath.

I think the least dangerous option at present time would be to attempt controlling a new element. I'll ask Sensei and Yukino if they know anywhere I could practice manipulating water without disturbing anyone… and isn't the docks. While I may have gotten used to the standard cuisine of Ataiyo, the docks smell entirely too strongly of fish for me to concentrate properly while just beginning to learn. Perhaps after I practice for a while and feel more confident, I can use the docks as a test of my concentration and control without fear of losing control and possibly harming someone. 

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Mon Jul 8, 2019 3:18 PM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Good gracious! It's been over a month since I last even picked up this journal! I told myself that I would update it at least once a week and keep notes of my progress… but then so much happened! Okay, before I get ahead of myself, let me bring things back and try to explain better.

So, much as I found in Mamlak, the libraries are guarded fiercely by their caretakers. Being an outsider, or 'gaijin' as they call mzungu here, has done me few favors during my time here. Even so, I have found the population as a whole have little issue answering my questions so long as I do so respectfully and don't intrude overmuch into their daily activities. The shrine priests and maidens, in particular, are almost always available to sate my curiosity (for a small monetary offering to the shrine). While my height and skin tone mark me as an obvious outsider, I have been picking up the local dialect quickly, which seems to have endeared me to a great number of the people I interact with on a daily or weekly basis. I now know for certain that Ataiyo is where I need to be to continue my research.

During my studies, I have come to the initial conclusion that the world works and flows in cycles in an attempt to balance itself out. As such, I have decided to emulate that by changing my lifestyle to suit. I have been focusing on gaining knowledge and finding where my spirituality lay. In doing so, I have been neglecting both my physical and magickal well being. To properly remedy this state of affairs, I began to ask around for information on the local martial arts. After much whispered discussion from various sources, I decided initially that neither of the most well known school of martial prowess suited me. While the code of honor the Horitshi follow interests me greatly, I have absolutely no interest in using swords. By that same mindset, learning to become shadoka held no sway with me whatsoever. I can and have killed before, but the thought of doing so as a matter of course during the completion of my career choice is anathema to me.

I had nearly given up hope on finding a teacher and resigning myself to self-study and exercise… but decided to ask the one person that initial helped me to decide that Nisshiko would be an ideal location to settle down to learn. Old Man Yamada, the owner of the inn I am staying at, simply looked me over very slowly one time and asked me one simple question while looking directly into my eyes: "For what reason do you fight?" 

His question caught me off guard, but I did not need long to think of an answer for him, as I had long ago asked myself that same question. I replied to him, "I fight for my family, my friends, and to protect the lives of the innocent." Those were the only things I knew I could raise my staff, my bow, and my knife with the intent to draw blood or take a life for with a clear conscious.

He merely nodded at me, apparently approving of my answer, and motioned for me to follow him as he walked towards the back of the inn, where he and his family lived in a separate building. He led me to a room on the lowest floor… that was a large open space with a small shrine set along one wall that was bracketed by a pair of hanging scroll paintings. At first I was confused, but I quickly followed the innkeeper's example and bowed to the shrine as I entered. I came to find out after we had taken a seat on the tatami floor that the room was called a dojang or dojo and that he was the teacher of a school of martial arts known as Te that held its origins back before Nisshoki was founded. Over the years, many political and cultural changes forced the many schools of Te to quietly go into hiding.

Without going too deep into the inner workings of the schools, I'll simply say that Yamada-sensei agreed to teach me alongside his daughter (who has been learning Te since she was a young girl) in exchange for my assistance with various things around the inn. I, of course, quickly agreed… which led to my lengthy delay updating my journal. I have been so utterly exhausted at the end of my days from my physical and magickal practice that simply bathing before crawling into my futon is a chore in and of itself.

Speaking of my magickal training, I have been learning the elemental manipulations of the Druids when I have spare time and energy. Thus far, I have only learned how to manipulate the air with my magick, but it is still progress from the few spells taught to me by Father Sidney in order to protect myself from the undead and heal or cure the injured. As he would tell me as a boy, "some progress is better than no progress." For now, I am seriously in need of a bath. I'll update again when I'm able, but I'm not sure I'll be able to fit everything I'm learning into a single journal. I may need to acquire extra in advance… food for later thought.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Mon Jul 8, 2019 11:39 AM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Note to self: air ships are not an enjoyable experience for the first few hours. That being said, once the nausea goes away, the view from up there is splendid! And while I didn't enjoy most of the crew laughing at my misfortune, I can admit in retrospect that the situation was rather humorous. 

But enough about that! I have arrived safely in Nisshoki and already gotten myself settled in a local inn. Once again, I have secured my room for a week, but already I feel like I'll be extending my stay. The owner of the inn and his family have all been very accommodating of my questions. It has been an entirely more enjoyable experience than my time in Mamlak and it has been less than a day! My instincts are saying that I've come to the right place to continue my hunt. 

It certainly doesn't hurt that the city of Nisshoki is vastly more beautiful to my aesthetics than Mamlak was. Fortune might trule truly be in my favor. I managed to arrive during one of the larger festivals or celebrations here in the city - the blooming of the cherry blossom trees. The city covered in the small pink and white petals is truly a sight to behold. Seeing the couples and families (and even large groups!) sitting around the public spaces and just watching the petals fall makes me want to join in. Perhaps I'll visit one of the street vendors to purchase… I think they were called 'obento'? I need to learn the local dialect here… and quickly. But yes, I think I'll purchase one of those obento and go join in on the hanami. 

I feel like the entire Ataiyo culture encompasses the kind of spirituality that calls out to me in a way that the ones back in Canelux never did. According to the owner of the inn, the entire cherry blossom viewing festival is a celebration of the beginning of Terra. Specifically, it seems to be a celebration of life in general with the focus on cherry blossoms emphasis emphasizing their short life spans. Apparently, it is supposed to be an analogy for the relative shortness of human life… to remind us of our vulnerability and encourage us to make the most of our short lives.

If this is the sort of thing I can expect to be the norm here in Ataiyo, then I truly believe that I have found the best place to find the answers I'm searching for. I think that will do for now. So I will end there here and go search for a good place to watch the cherry blossom petals.

~T~

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Mon Jul 8, 2019 2:45 AM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

I have spent 4 days in Mamlak, but I fear that the answers I seek cannot be found here. Were it a matter of biased readings or limited knowledge on the subject, I would be ecstatically booking further time at the inn and delving as deep as I could into the available material. However, I have discovered that I may have been rather spoiled back in Gulu with my having free access to the small library within the church. What few small collections of books I have been able to track down within the city so far have had access to them restricted from me. I didn't think to ask Father Sidney for anything like a letter of introduction when I left. So, unfortunately, as mzungu - or an outsider (rough translation) - I am unlikely to convince anyone here in the city to let me study their books freely. I'm certain that were I to continue looking around, I might luck into a situation that would allow me access to such a trove of knowledge. That being said, my instincts are telling me that I may have better luck looking elsewhere.

Growing up in Gulu, I occasionally helped bring in food by hunting once I was of an age to do so. Over the years, I learned to rely on and trust my instincts fervently. The few times (early, early on) that I didn't trust them almost ended up getting myself or one of my hunting mates killed. So when my instincts started to tell me that trying to convince the short priest was a waste of time, I followed that instinct and simply bid the man farewell. I worried for a moment that my frustration with my lack of progress was being mistaken for my instinct, but when the gut-clenching feeling disappeared as I walked down the road, I realized the feeling was true. After a quick stop at a fruit stand, I decided to wander aimlessly around the markets to clear my head. One thing led to another and at some point I ended up back at the inn I was staying at. I opted to grab a seat in the tavern, order myself a drink, and calm my thoughts as the day drew to a close. 

As night fell, I couldn't help but overhear a man with the looks and accent of an Ataiyo native going on about how different the customs of the city were from his home. Now, I'm not normally nosy by my nature, but I felt compelled to speak further with the man. So I did… and I was not disappointed with my decision!

The man, Sato, happily (if a bit drunkenly) told me all about his home in Nisshoki. How that, even though people there tended to be more reserved, their outlook about the world in general was varied and that most people were willing to discuss their views (in moderation). The more I heard about the city, the more I knew I had to travel there to see it for myself. I thanked the man by way of paying for his next round of drink before heading back out into the city to secure myself passage eastward to Nisshoki. After arranging airship fare two days hence, I returned to the inn and have now settled in for the night.

Tomorrow I will send Father Sidney a letter to update him on the progress of my search and my current plans. I know that I will not be here to recie receive his reply, so I will tell him to delay his return letter until I can write him again from Parvpora after securing myself lodging. I almost made it through this entry without an error, but it seems the late hour has frazzled the connection between my mind and hand. That being the case, I will end this here.

~T~ 

Author: Trafalgor, Posted: Mon Jul 8, 2019 1:36 AM, Post Subject: Trafalgor's Musings

Well, I know that I shouldn't be surprised, but somehow Father Sidney insisting on giving me a going away gift never crossed my mind as a possibility. Foolish, I know, but waht what can I say? He always did say only a fool could be as stubbornly diligent in thier their studies as I was. Still, I can't bring myself to be unappreciative of the new journal and writing set. And what better way to show my appreciation than to put his gift to use? So here I am, sitting in the back of a cart, writing in my new joru journal as my home town of Gulu disappears over the horizon. The road is a bit bumpy, but it's my stupid hands mixing up letters that's causing most of the mistakes thus far.

Anyway, I suppose I can go over why I'm leaving the only home I've ever known. My name is Trafalgor and I hail from the small town a day and a half's travel east of Mamlak named Gulu. Gulu doesn't have much going for it, but it certainly isn't so small so as to be called a village. Neither of my parents were natives of Gulu. In fact, I've never even met my father. According to my mother's stories when I was a boy, he died during a hunting accident before I was even born. However, the rumors around the town were not so kind in their description of my father. It matters not, honestly. I've never met the man, and I honestly don't care if I never do. In my 18 years of life, his absence has never had a significant impact.

My mother's death when I was 12, however… Well, that certainly had an impact. Even 6 years later, my heart aches from her absence. But I digress… Down that path lay melancholy and dis despair.

Anyway, after my mother passed, the local church took me under their care in honor of my mother's last request. Father Sidney took up responsibility for me and that, as they say, was that. He taught me how to read, write, and how to utilize magicks; "Life Skills" he called them while laughing. I never could tell when he was joking and when he was serious. He almost always had a smile on his face and he would laugh at almost any situation. No, I take that back. I could tell when he was really serious. I could just look into his eyes and tell when he wanted me to pay particular attention to whatever it was he was saying. Honestly, I would have preferred to learn how to do that over sitting at a desk by candlelight, copying old tomes for the church.

Regardless, I really do appreciate everything Father Sidney did for me. Even as I bid Gulu good bye, I don't regret the time I spent there under his care. However, Gulu is simply lacking the answers I require to my questions. I think that, more than anything else, I appreciate Father Sidney's manner of teaching me. He never gave me an answer as an absolute. He would always answer my questions with surety, but express it as what he believed was the correct answer. And if I had doubts, he would encourage me to take the time to research the matter on my own and decide if his answer was satisfactory afterwards. Most of the time, when this happened, I would be able to come back within the day with my answer. But there were times when my research took longer (one time, it even took me 2 months!). Even so, Father Sidney would patiently wait for my deliberation to complete… and no matter how many times his initial answer proved correct, he would never gloat or disparage how long it took me to find my own answer. Father Sidney would merely smile at me, give a nod, and say, "I'm glad you've found the answer that's satisfactory for you."

And that was that.

When I began to ask about the nature of the world, magick, and my faith… well, Father Sidney answered no differently than he usually did. He told me honestly what he believed about the nature of the world and the nature of magick… but my faith, he told me, was entirely up to me. He couldn't - no, he wouldn't tell me what to believe in. It was one of the few times he was entirely serious with me. He insisted that I search for my own answers to that particular question. He told me that he would happily give me any advice that he was able to, but that any specific answer he gave me would be entirely too biased for my own good. So I researched and studied.

6 months later and I still don't have the answer I'm looking for. When I told Father Sidney so, he just smiled at me, gave me a nod, and said, "Then the answer that's satisfactory for you simply can't be found here." 

So here I am, travelling in the back of a merchant's cart on my way to Mamlak. This isn't the first time I've been to the Great City, but this is the first time I'll be staying for longer than a day. My plan is to secure a room at an inn for a week as I search for answers to my question wherever I can around the city. I know not how successful I will be, but I have enough funds available to survive comfortably for a time before I need to obtain employment. The day's light is waning now, so I will stop here for now. 

~T~