Ah yes, Angela and Drae’s youngest. He doubted anyone would ever be able to forget her birth, there hadn’t been one quite so eventful. Only their child would have such an exciting birth, and he found himself smiling. As it was he hadn’t seen the couple and their newest aside from the celebration after her birth. He too looked down into his cup, swirling the liquid within slowly as he listened to Serci.
The other man’s voice grew more serious and his eyes were drawn back up as he spoke of champions. For some reason he didn’t seem too pleased, or perhaps he was just reading him wrong. When it came to champions he never knew what to say and what not to say. So far, he hadn’t even entertained the thought of taking one on for himself. Especially with everything that had been happening with him? He didn’t want to subject any other person to that. Lucky for him people weren’t really lining up at the door for the position.
When it came to the affairs of other deities he was embarrassingly uninformed sometimes. Even before his memories had returned he’d been one to stay in isolation. No, not isolation: solitude. Shiloh had tried in her own Shiloh way to form a connection and he appreciated it; Drae was someone he liked to think of as a friendly acquaintance; Angela was who he was closest with and had become like a surrogate mother to him even if he’d never admit it; Xunatar…that one was simple: enemy number one; Dalanesca was an ally at least; and he’d yet to even have a full conversation with their two newest of the conclave. He was so bad at internal affairs, and worse now than he had been before.
So, when Serci spoke of Dalanesca entertaining the idea of a champion, needless to say, his interest was piqued. The two were allies but only by definition. Serci had a point though, and he understood his worry. Despite that, he shook his head, offering a small smile, “I wouldn’t fret too much about Dalanesca: she loves to bite and sometimes her tongue is what does the most damage.”
He took a sip of his wine, “You are Angela’s champion, that means you have great strength to you. Don’t let the hypothetical worries of tomorrow tarnish the strength of today.” Strength, perseverance, those things were no longer his realm but the philosophies were still there. He propped his elbow on the table and rested the side of his head against his palm; the smile on his lips spread into a playful grin, “Championship is tiring you say? I wouldn’t have any idea what that’s like…” he hummed in jest.
Both eyebrows shot up when he gestured to him, “And then there’s me?” He laughed when he mentioned his own champion, “Ah yes, my imaginary champion. He’s quite good.” He straightened back up from his lean and rested the cup down, letting his fingers trace around the rim as he watched him. “Awake you say? Hm,” he smirked, looking around the empty common room, allowing himself to feel out the dreams of those lost in slumber at his temple, “Things here stay almost too calm. Coming from a place like Angela’s grounds, I’m sure you’d be bored to sleep after one week,” he laughed.
And then the conversation shifted, causing the smile to fade from his lips. He was left only to watch him as he walked around the table to sit on his side. With how close he was now he could feel each time he shifted, smell the cloth of his robes, feel the whisper of his hair as it moved along his shoulder from their newfound closeness. His thoughts returned to Echo, as they always did when he felt his mind stray, and he pushed his own cup further from himself. He rested his arm on the table where it had been as if that was the whole reason he’d moved it away.
There was an absence he’d felt since remembering that every lover he’d had was now dead. Not dead in Revaliir where he might one day see them again in the soul stream. Dead. Gone. Nothing. Every person he’d loved, each one he had been in a relationship with as he’d had many at once…the void was too wide and it wasn’t fair to his wife to take the weight of it. There wasn’t even anyone to talk to about it. How did you talk to your monogamous wife about your past polyamorous life? You didn’t.
And now with Serci so close to him, their breathing intermingled, the scent of his hair brushing against his own neck, it was enough to form a pit in his stomach. He blinked quickly and looked over at the empty cup; reaching out to take the wine and pour him more. Just as quickly as the moment had come, it was gone, and he was left feeling breathless. He swallowed down the burn that had started in the back of his throat and managed a weak smile; being sure to no longer look at him and instead focus on the designs of the bottle.
Suddenly the focus was on him, the one place he didn’t want it to be right now. What could he say? What had been up to? More horrible things than he wanted to unload on someone else. So instead he forced his smile to spread, “There isn’t that much to report on me sadly.” Probably the biggest lie he’d tell all year.
“The tree saw fit to alter my domain and I’ve been working hard at doing it justice. Falling into place can be a bit sticky: light and strength came so easily, but dreams are fluid,” he shook his head a little and looked back at him, away from the bottle. He wanted to speak, so badly, but the words wouldn’t come. He was so used to being an ear to others that he had no idea how to talk to anyone else about his own issues.
“I’d like to visit Suisho no Kyuden,” he admitted, and for just a moment his eyes weakened. The smile faltered, and for a brief heart beat of time he allowed the fatigue to show on his face before pulling it back. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to yet…” he whispered, as if it were some horrible thing to admit. The former deity of strength showing weakness, the irony wasn’t lost on him, but he tried his best not to linger.
This wasn’t right. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair, not to Serci. He’d come there to see him, to make good memories and catch up. Happy things. He bit the inside of his cheek and straightened back up, the smile returning to his lips as he pushed his troubles down to a place that he could later access in the middle of a crystallized forest where no one would be hurt. “I fear that if I go on a vacation my wife will literally have my head,” he laughed, the sound barely echoing around the empty room. “But we should make time,” he said.