Author: Naota, Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2017 7:50 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

By her initial reaction alone he could tell that what he had here wouldn’t be enough for what she truly wanted. Hopefully there would be at least one book to aid in her studies. She spoke her intentions, and while they were noble and he respected them, he knew her journey would be a long one. Though he knew well that nothing worth actually obtaining came easily. She had enough determination for three of her stature, he just hoped that she wouldn’t run herself too ragged. As of now she was doing much better, but he remembered well how very black and negative her energy was when she first arrived. Too much was kept on her shoulders, and there was something to be said about someone who refused to shrug -so to speak-, but still…

“I completely agree with you,” his wrist flicked once more and the book disappeared, returning back to its home amongst the shelves, “Just remember what we’ve already spoken about: don’t take on too much at a time.” He’d said it to her enough in this afternoon that he felt like a doting aunt and his eyes softened, “I’ll leave you to your studies then, whether they keep you here or lead you to another library, know that you’re always welcome to stay for as long as you need.” He gently dipped his head to her and walked towards the aisle, pausing at the edge of the shelf,

“Shiloh,” he half turned, eyes moving along her as if there was some sickness yet unseen, before resting his gaze on her face, “I’m not sure what it is that you’re preparing for, or if there even is anything specifically, but do know that I’m here for help should you ever need it…Not to do it for you, but to assist, or even teach.” Not that anything she wanted or needed would garner his teachings, but he always wanted others to know that the offer was there, “Just…remember all that we’ve talked about today.” He smiled, the emerald of his eyes shining brighter for a brief moment before turning to continue on his way and leave her to her research.

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 11:29 AM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

She wasn't sure if she was in a library or a church. The windows here reminded her of the tall cathedral she had passed by once back in her world. The deity brought her to the history section of the books. There were so many old tomes and even scrolls tucked into the shelves. He stated that what he had here detailed the world's history, specifically this continent and anything related to his realm. That was to be expected. Shiloh had been met with disappointment before; they were well-acquainted by now. "I see…thank you. I'll make good use of it. If there's something I can't find here, I will pay a visit to Tar Eisalae." There was plenty for her to start reading up on. 

He asked her a direct question, her reason for wanting to know more about the topics she had brought up. "What I hope to gain… Understanding. That is what I expect. I want to understand the mind and all its intricacies to the very letter. You can only be hurt by what you don't know, but once that changes a person can better defend or protect oneself as they know what they're up against. I don't intend to leave things up to chance–fortune favors the prepared." Fortune also was fickle, but being prepared made its sudden turns easier to weather. "The smaller of a margin I can have when determining what is possible and impossible, the clearer it is to hit the mark. There'll be a time when I only have one shot at something, and I don't plan on wasting it. I know it's impossible to get everything  right on the first try, but it'll make me more at ease when I know the chances aren't zero."

Someone like him probably would interpret her intentions as selfish or blind ambition. It wasn't out of her expectations. It was better to keep some things to oneself, so she didn't go further than that. Her goal was self-preservation. Not every time you could rely on someone being around to bail you out. 

Author: Naota, Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:28 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

“Matters of the mind and history…” His voice trailed off as he thought about what was available. There were a few sections he could direct her towards, and he started to walk into the library, “Come with me.” Once they were in he kept the talking to a minimum, and their footsteps were hushed by the soft carpet so that no people studying would be bothered. There were no lectures going on today as far as he could tell, and none came to mind that had been planned ahead, so it was especially quiet. Light poured into the room through the crystalline windows, revealing glittering particles in the air from any dust that might have come up from books in each sunbeam.

History would be the easiest, and he took her through to the proper shelves. His voice was so soft you’d think he had been whispering if not for the pitch in his voice, “You’ll find plenty of Revaliir’s history here, though I will admit that most of it is pertaining to this continent and subjects of my temple’s focus.” He turned his gaze to her, “If I might make a suggestion, my fellow deity of Parvpora would be able to offer you even more.” Drae was the deity of knowledge after all, and his library put anyone else’s to shame. Naota could spend hours and hours lost in it so long as Drae was patient enough to allow him.

“As for matters of the mind, what I have in my library would be limited to anything that wasn’t in the metaphysical realm.” He smiled apologetically, “There are a few I can think of that might suit what you’re looking for, but for all that I have, Adraejen would be able to offer you tenfold.” He flicked his wrist and a thick book appeared in his fingers which he offered forward to her, “This one in particular deals with sickness that affects those mentally, psychologically, and goes in depth from there. Tell me, what exactly do you hope to gain from your studies? I might be able to narrow the scope a bit as far as what I have at my disposal.”

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 2:18 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

She hadn't even realized that everything here had been made from jewels or precious stones until the pounding in her head was gone. Upon inspecting what she had thought to be grass, she saw the glossy shimmer and wondered if they were rigid like the stone, or flexible like the plant. Getting a nasty cut from blades of grass probably wouldn't make sense. The categories he listed of the library's books and written material were extensive, more than she was looking for. But if it had all of these, then maybe it would have what she did want to read. "If I may, I would like to read anything you might have on matters of the mind. I'm still pretty clueless when it comes to the basic knowledge of this…world, so history and other related books would be much appreciated as well. I've never been the type that was good with magic, so I'll leave that for some other time." Those enchantments on the scrolls and books did sound very convenient however. Most people had scribes to ensure knowledge and wisdom passed down from generations wasn't lost to time, recopying and repairing when needed. Though eventually someone would have to renew the preserving enchantments too.

She had always had a strong interest in the mind and all of its inner workings. In spite of its flaws, it had its merits and when used right–it could be used to achieve great things. Shiloh wanted to know more, for her own sake and to gain a better understanding of others. Perhaps if she was more familiar with how people thought, it would make daily conversation and social interaction easier. For most of her life she had been shadowed by the feeling of being out of place, never quite able to fit in. Conformity wasn't something she was good at, even when she tried. Thankfully conformity wasn't absolutely necessary if you could make your own niche. That was what she had eventually settled on, when she couldn't find a place otherwise. She wanted to be fully aware of her limits. Only then could her decisions and choices be made without wavering. 

She wanted to become stronger, through her own efforts. Although others might have asked for a boon or blessing from the deity in this situation, she wasn't that kind of person. If she wished to gain something, she wanted to earn it. Everything had its cost, and eventually it would have to be paid on one way or another.

Author: Naota, Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 11:00 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

As they neared the library on the second floor he wasn’t surprised in the least at her curiosity. Aside from the surrounding grounds themselves, this was one of the most heavily visited areas at Suisho no Kyuden. His gaze moved to her, answering first about the gardens and such, “Throughout the day and even all through the night the surrounding areas are opened. At this time of day the gardens experience quite a bit of foot traffic, but there are plenty of areas to tuck yourself in.”

He paused for just a moment, thinking on how best to word his next train of thought, “Everything there is comprised of stones, gems, crystals-all matter be they precious or semi precious.” That was no understatement either, emerald literally made up the blades of grass, “If there is anything you see that you would like or might even need, just be sure to ask me first.” He highly doubted she would try to pocket anything, but it was something he told everyone.

His smile returned as he paused and looked through one of the tall entrances of the library. Even from here he could see the thick beams of light pouring in through the crystal windows, made that much stronger from the reflection of surrounding snow, “What sort of books, hmm…” he crossed his arms and looked up towards the ceiling in thought, “That’s a bit of a difficult question to answer. There are some tomes and scrolls here so old that they have a constant enchantment on them to keep their pages from blowing into dust…”

He looked back at her, “Many books on history, scrolls of different fighting techniques, a whole section dedicated to illusion work…” In truth he could stand there all day telling her what was there, “A great amount on holy magicks, light magicks, even shadow and darkness…Defense, beastiaries, fiction-” he cut himself off with a short laugh, “It might be better for you to tell me if there are any subjects in particular that you’re interested in.”

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 11:52 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

Losing a part of herself… So that was the name for that feeling. In a way, it made sense. It all started back when she first learned how to extract grief from human hearts, when she was still young and inexperienced. Those were dark times before she made that discovery, and most of what she could now recall were cold and empty. That inescapable numbness, that gaping void of emotion. It was then when she had taken in those fragments and pieces from others, claiming them as her own. She had wanted them, desired them in some sort of desperation to know what it was like to feel. The things the deity had purged from her in the end, were just that. Things that belonged to someone else–not hers.

There lay the root of the issue and her strange ability. A deep-seated wish, an all-consuming desire. The impetus that drove her to seek out those burdened by circumstances beyond their control. "…Perhaps they were just distractions that I kept around, to prevent myself from seeing what I didn't want to see." She answered, closing her hand into a fist. She stood up and followed him as he showed her around the rooms. There was anything one could need to heal the body and mind; very fitting for this place. The library in particular caught her attention. After having her mind and soul cleansed, she felt the insatiable urge to seek out knowledge to equip herself in dealing with her prior state. "The gardens sound good… I might spend some time there. About your library–what sort of books do you have there? If you don't mind me asking."

She had to practice her rarely used etiquette sometime. Better to do it now than wait when she urgently needed it. Fortunately Naota had enough forbearance that he wouldn't be offended so easily by someone being unintentionally impolite. Shiloh was hoping to find reference books and scholarly material on matters of the mind, and if possible potential modes and methods to resolve them. 

Author: Naota, Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 10:23 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

He slowly nodded, able to understand but only partially. Upon his ascension he’d felt his own separation from a lifetime of stress in the form of the daemon he’d shared this body with. That absence, the surrealism she was surely feeling, he knew it well. There were still some nights where he feared he’d wake up in some ransacked village, blood soaked and naked, his skin still healing from the singe of his clothing mid burning. His eyes closed briefly, pushing such thoughts and memories aside, and only opened them once they were gone.

Moving slowly, he lifted himself from the couch, tying his blade off at his hip as he watched her methodically test at her fingers, “When you hold something like that within you for so long…You have lost a bit of yourself. In a way…” There was doubt that she’d ever truly get used to it, so he wouldn’t sugarcoat it with such words. No, this was temporary, one day her being would be filled with negativity all over again. And on that day he hoped she’d remember his extended offer. For now though, “Come with me, we’ll get you something to help you relax. There are also numerous bedrooms, wash rooms, a library: you are welcome to everything here to help you recuperate…” His eyes softened,

“Right now, let’s start with the common room. At this hour many people are usually outside enjoying the gardens and stables, so you’ll be able to take advantage of the quiet and semi privacy.” Knowing her, even as briefly as he had, it was still hard to tell how long she would stay. Just like anyone that peacefully entered Suisho no Kyuden’s walls, she was welcomed to stay for however long that she needed. That was always his promise.

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 11:09 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

Once it was all gone, Shiloh felt as if a weighty millstone had dropped from her shoulders. She slumped, feeling strangely empty without the emotions churning inside. She felt…numb. When the deity reassured her that this place would always welcome her should she ever need help, she nodded her head in response. She was thankful, and would remember the kindness he had done for her today. Regardless of the passage of time, she wouldn't forget it. In a way, she was relieved that the deity had been able to withstand the burden that she had carried for years. To fully and wholly place one's trust in another was something she very rarely did. Those who had been fortunate enough to receive it were few and far between. To her, only those with an important place in her mind were granted the time-honored laurel. And the deity of light now held the esteemed position of being the first person she had put her trust in within less than a day's time of their initial meeting and introduction.

When he suggested that they both unwind physically and emotionally with some warm tea, she agreed. "…That sounds good. It feels so…weird now that the pain's gone." Holding her hand up before her face she mused, "Right now it feels like my body's only partially here." The sensation in her fingers was slowly readjusting to the change–or lack of stress. Moving her fingers one by one she half-expected them to phase through each other instead of being solid as they were. The headache, the ringing in her ears, the whispers, the pricking needles all over her skin–gone. 

Author: Naota, Posted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 2:28 AM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

Even though he had been hoping for her to allow him to help, he couldn’t deny that he was surprised she had agreed. She appeared to be so strong willed and determined that, while he expected to have to do more coaxing, he didn’t hesitate in case she changed her mind. Her hands moved out, offering them to him like how he’d asked her before, and he moved his over hers as he had done previously. The markings on his arms slowly rose up again, their light shining brighter as the ropes gently wound themselves around their wrists and arms once more, “Thank you…I know it is not an easy thing to accept help, but it takes a different form of strength to do so.”

Again he felt it, that same heaviness that tried to fill him, consume him. His eyes closed and now he actually rested his hands down so that he could lightly grip her wrists. Now that she was letting it all go, he felt the full affect and locked his jaw enough for his teeth to grit. Even with his power, this was still so much…That blackness he’d seen surrounding her, overshadowing her, now threatened to reach down to his core. Just before it could, he felt his own light push it back. The sapphires that lined the room gradually glowed brighter as if to help him, and Torinasu was practically vibrating from the intensity. He could not imagine having to deal with this alone each and every day with no relief…And he was only feeling a small percent in himself.

And then he felt the shift, the darkness seeping up to mix with the markings on his skin, the light that bound their arms together, fighting with the holiness and light. But, as he had promised, all of that negativity began to transmute to positivity with the help of his black tourmaline blade’s effects. It fed the room like a personal battery, and he sighed with relief as it finally ebbed. Of course, her body would just be filled all over again the next time she helped someone, but at least she would be free for a short amount of time. When his eyes opened they were cast down on their arms. He caught sight of the last of the darkness fading from the markings and light, and only when it was a pure white did he start to pull his own hands back; the light coming with him and settling on his skin as markings once more.

He smiled, “If ever it becomes too much, I want you to come to me…” He slowly shook his head, eyes weakening as he looked her over as if she had just come from some long war. In a way, she had, “It takes a very special person to do what you’ve done. Not everyone would be able to last as long as you have, or have the determination to continue on bringing this burden onto themselves.” He breathed out slowly through his lips, tension leaving his muscles that he had only just noticed, “Now then…I think it would do us both good to have some tea.”

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Mon Jun 5, 2017 1:20 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

Giving something up, relinquishing what had become a part of her for so long, admitting she needed help from others…these were all difficult things for her. All her life she had expected being snubbed, overlooked, ignored–left to fend for herself. The only exceptions were her time with her adoptive mother and siblings, and right now. Shiloh wasn't used to being prioritized. It had always been her fighting for her own benefits, staunchly rejecting any attempts to shortchange her. She had grown used to the belief that life wasn't, and wouldn't be fair; and that the only way to get somewhere in life was to take hold of it and make it happen with your own two hands. But that wasn't how it worked for this. Taking away suffering, siphoning portions of other people's psyches like a surgeon with a sharpened knife didn't go by the rules. Even the procedures by which she performed the act were only to mitigate any potential harmful effects resulting from the psychological shift. The benefits were only for the giver, not the receiver. 

Here she was, in the presence of someone who was willing to do the exact same thing she had done for all of those people. The greatest question in her mind now was, did she deserve it? By pragmatic thinking, the answer would have been yes. She was simply receiving what she was owed in turn for the cost she paid for the others. But part of her knew better. She wasn't owed anything. She didn't deserve it; they didn't deserve it. But regardless, they were given the offer. It was a gift, without any strings attached or any expected return. As the sting of the pain began to come back again, Shiloh made one of the hardest decisions in her entire life. For all of her obstinacy, self-efficacy, and personal dignity–she chose to bend. 

"…Alright. I'll do it. As much as I want to refuse, I know I can't do this on my own. At least, not right now." As she finally relented and held out her hands to accept, a small voice spoke from the back of her mind.

It seems you have made your decision. There is no harm in allowing others to lend their strength, nor is it a dishonor to acknowledge one's shortcomings. See this not as a deviation from the narrow path, but as a bridge which will open a new way before you. To fail is to fall due to one's own faults and misunderstanding, to succeed is to have the strength of others supporting you from behind. Today marks the beginning of a new door that has opened to you. Be not mistaken and consider humility as shamelessness.

Shiloh no longer held back, and loosed her hold over all the anguish and grief she had taken upon herself with complete willingness. With no barriers to withhold it, the tide of turbulent, chaotic emotions poured out like a dammed river reclaiming its rightful course. It was much stronger than before, like a great flood seeking to swallow everything in its wake with no clear direction. Though the brunt of its power soon began to wane as it was opposed by the influence of the sapphire room. It was starting to dissipate, like smoke, like oil in water.

Author: Naota, Posted: Sun Jun 4, 2017 4:33 AM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

He nodded slowly as he listened, and was sure to stay quiet until she was finished. What she had told him, it was a great thing to do for others, but eventually she would reach her limit and he only hoped that when that day did come, that she would be somewhere safe. Even so, he knew there was no way he’d close that opened door. What he was doing for her now, though temporary, could at least subside the pain enough for her to have a chance to recuperate properly and healthily. Though, he still couldn’t help but wonder why she had initially put herself through this to begin with.

“Not thrown away…” his tone was soft, “No amount of pain that has already transgressed can ever be completely ridden of.” His eyes searched hers briefly before he continued, “To disregard the suffering that others have gone through? Yes, that would indeed be insulting. But there is a great difference between tossing one’s pain aside, and letting it finally come to rest.” There had been more than enough occurrences in his own life thus far for him to know that quite well,

“Pain is meant to be worked through, not hoarded. Taking their pain and keeping it…Yes, it helps them since they no longer need to go through it.” he nodded slowly, “However, aside from masochistic urges, what is the use of holding onto something for so long? The misfortunes and tortures of others is just bottled negativity at that point: energy stored until it’s become too much for its vessel. Everything needs a good cleaning every so often…” A corner of his lips turned up in a small smile. This was something she had been going through for a great deal of time, and he knew that there was nothing he could say to make her change her mind about giving it all up upon their first conversation. But, he did want to offer her relief, even if she wouldn’t free herself from this,

“If you’re insisting on keeping this transference, then if I might make one small suggestion.” The ropes of light slowly unbraided from around their arms: receding back into his arms where they stayed alit as still markings, “Allow some of it to be taken out of you every so often…You have helped them with their suffering, you have relieved them from it, but a mortal body can only withstand so much for so long.” He brought his hands to the floor and pushed up from there so that he could move and be seated next to her, “If you would allow me to, I could help relieve you of some of that emotional debt. Do not look at it as disregarding someone’s pain or tossing it aside. That is not what this is: this is only an added step to what you have done.”

He turned more towards her, “You have taken their pain into yourself, the respect to their situations has been paid. There is no shame or disrespect in finally letting that pain come to rest…” His eyes softened, “That is all that I’m offering, for you to come to me should you ever need to so that I can relieve you of some of that debt you’ve taken on from others. You have taken their pain so that they do not have to suffer it, all I’m offering is the same in return to you.”

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Thu May 18, 2017 11:32 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

She thought for a long time on her answer. The headache and myriad of voices were gone, and for once she had complete silence within her mind. Yes, she had entertained the idea of what it would be like to have it all disappear, to be freed. In a moment, the weight of her entire life's misfortunes would be gone like water rolling off the feathers of a duck. But was that what she really wanted? She knew if she asked, the deity could make it happen. She had no doubt about that. And yet…she found herself wondering if it was the right thing to do. Choosing to throw it all aside like a garment which had outlived its usefulness felt selfish, yet pretending to bear it like a martyr was equally so. In truth, she did not relieve those people of their grief out of charity alone.

She had sought out the lost and forsaken, and approached them when they were at their lowest point–to give them an offer they couldn't refuse. Although they usually benefited in the end, the act itself was not selfless. Her ability to take the pain of others was not something that she had been born with. Its origin came from a seed that had been sown deep in her heart out of discontent and indignation at injustice. When she helped those people, in a roundabout way she was attempting to help herself. There was no point in trying to justify it.

"I have considered this for a long time, for many years before this day. And after everything I have been through, I believe I do not have the right to simply throw it aside. To have a lifetime's worth of fear and torment wiped away with the wave of a hand would be an insult to each and every person's suffering. I know that eventually I will reach my limit on how much my mind and body can take. Instead I wish to learn how to absolve them on my own, to have every deferred hope and unfulfilled wish given an answer. Once they are resolved, those emotional conflicts will longer exist."

It was a fitting solution, what she had been trying to achieve all along. She couldn't change the fact that she had started this out of a selfish reason, but she could at least see it through to completion like she had intended. Shiloh in turn, thought this was what she deserved. Though it wouldn't solve her own problems, it would solve those that didn't belong to her. Unlike the people she had initiated contracts with, there wasn't anyone who could do the same for her. If she wanted her own inner conflicts resolved, she would have to confront them herself. "It's high time I've stopped running from my own problems and pretending that they don't exist. Nothing in life comes for free; there's always a cost somewhere down the line."

Author: Naota, Posted: Thu May 18, 2017 8:51 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

As her hands moved over his he prepared himself. Only when the last of her fingers rested on his did he close his eyes. He was urged to grip her wrists but refrained from doing so, though his jaw locked ever so slightly. There was so much pain, so much chaos, and he could feel all of it trying to pour into him as if touch alone was enough to conduct it through. Just as the shadows of memory began to creep into his mind, long tendrils of light bound his hands to hers. They led out from the white markings on his skin and finally he felt the powerful thud of his heart begin to calm.

How long had it been pounding? His chest physically ached from it and the relief was so stark in his muscles that he had to suppress a groan. The light wrapped tighter around their hands, spreading up their wrists, along their arms towards their shoulders, until their combined energy started to gradually even out. Curiosity piqued within him to explore some of those memories. Curiosity wasn’t the proper word, more, he wanted to learn them so he could understand what this plague was. Were that story true, and if it did in fact pertain to her, then it seemed like a cruel payment for freedom.

His lips silently moved, Torinasu buzzing with energy nearby, bringing in the negativity from their contact and transmuting it to positive influence. The effects would not be permanent, but at least she would be allotted some peace for a short time. Unfortunately, there would be much more to learn in order to give her permanent release, but then he wasn’t sure if she even wanted to be rid of it. There was much more to learn, and he slowly opened his eyes, but did not move his hands from hers.

Energy visually pulsed through the ropes of light that bound them, fading from bruise purple to radiant white as it was cleansed. His eyes were a complete white and he studied her features, giving them both another brief moment of silence before breaking it with a voice barely above a whisper, “If you had the choice, would you want to be rid of this…?” His eyebrows furrowed in thought, “It is a great thing to do for others, and is honorable to keep up your end of an arrangement, but no one that has done and gone through so much deserves such pain.” In his personal opinion at least…

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Tue May 2, 2017 12:33 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

Shiloh listened as the deity explained what he was planning to do. It would seem that he wanted to help her with the grief she had siphoned from many others. However, she couldn't make heads or tails of what exactly. How would he intend to do this? If this involved direct contact, then that must mean… She was hesitant as she thought about it. Was he really sure about what he was doing? Shiloh realized what would happen if she did as he asked. As soon as they made contact, without the force of her restraint the pain and suffering she had consumed would transfer over as if there were an invisible conduit. She had carried this burden for many years, and had struggled with it each and every day. Would he be prepared to feel the multitudes of potential lifetimes of agony? She stopped herself in her thoughts and chastised herself. What was she doing, worrying about a deity? This was the entire reason why she had come here. She had come here to relieve her own emotional burdens, not contemplate those of the immortal.

With no further reservations, she held out her hands and lowered them, until they made contact with him. In that instant, the floodgates were opened and the fragments of psyche jumped over to the deity like a pack of ravenous wolves ready to feast on a fallen animal. The temporary link that had been established through their direct contact caused some of her most recent memories to bleed into the other's mind while the channel was active. An image of the nightmare she had in Egjora resurfaced, showing a fairy tale book illustration rendition of the city that morphed into a sinister caricature with twisted, grinning figures looming over the walls controlling the suffering citizens with puppet strings. The guards of the city changed from typical armored men into anthropomorphic dogs with golden chains as their leashes, being pulled this way and that by the villainous faces above. The blue sky and clean streets turned into a sky red as blood with a black sun while the city burned and fell into disrepair.

Then, the first memories she had before entering this world reemerged. It came by in flashes, short scenes as she had remembered them. Shackles, a noose, being held underwater, being thrown into a lake with stones tied to the legs, imprisonment, a guillotine, and the executioner's axe. Then a jury rigged trial, the courtroom, a group of hooded and cloaked elders looking down from their seats at her. Voices of accusation, teeth bared in anger, fingers jabbing forward in outrage. Her hands were chained, shoved forward by the guard. The harsh sunlight blinding into her eyes as the sound of metal hitting dirt continued. The pit, the coffin, the cloaked elders watching from behind. A click of the manacles falling away and a forceful push sending her hurtling into the wooden box.The lid came down, the clanking of the chains as they wrapped it around. The final clasp of the lock. She could hear her own screaming, her nails clawing at the wooden planks. Crying, pleading, begging, shouting–all for a chance at release. The sound of the first shovel of dirt landing on the coffin marked the point when her arms had fallen to her sides. A great and terrible despair came forth and consumed her being.

This and many more memories, some hers and some of others were mixed together as all of this took place within the sapphire room. On the outside, she clenched her teeth as she once again experienced the emotional turbulence.

Author: Naota, Posted: Mon May 1, 2017 11:47 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

His eyes studied her face as she spoke, his own expression unchanging as he listened. And while it appeared that the most obvious answer was this story being her own, it was nearly impossible to believe. Her story, all that she had gone through if the woman in it was in fact her, was horrible. Over the course of his life, through every trial and tribulation others had confided in him, he thought that by now he’d heard it all. No, he was wrong. His fingers moved, gently taking Torinasu and slowly tying it at his hip once more, his eyes staying on hers all the while,

“It is a great burden to bear, taking on the horrors of others. For selfish desires or otherwise, you at least need to commend yourself for that good deed.” His thumb ran along the hilt of his blade as if it were some sleeping and content animal curled at his side, “I don’t pretend to understand what you have gone through, but I can relate to heavy weight on your shoulders…” His eyes softened, keeping himself knelt on the floor so that she could keep the place of power in their seating,

“I have a story of my own, about a man facing a very different set of horrors. Another time though.” He shifted back, sitting with ankles crossed on the floor as he looked up at her, “Shiloh,” his voice was soft as the syllables left his lips, “I’m very glad that you chose to come here. Now then,” his elbows rested on his knees and he plopped his chin between his hands, “Let’s see what we can do about some of this weight. Here.”

He straightened again and held his hands out, palms facing up, “I want you to rest your hands over mine, just enough for our skin to touch, all right…?” His eyes searched hers, not wanting to push certain boundaries too far so soon. Even now with his hands offered, he was careful not to so much as brush her knees with them, “We’re going to try something, all I ask is that you trust me. Can you find it in yourself to trust me?” His voice stayed soft, the emerald hue of his eyes shining brighter with a look that was nothing less than paternal. Since the birth of his children that gaze had started to overcome all of his expressions.

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 3:43 AM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

Taking the sword into her hands, she leaned on it. She grasped the hilt so tightly that her knuckles were white, but she felt a sense of relief wash over her. As she did so, the blade itself reacted strongly as it surged with energy converted from what it had sapped from her. There was still a great deal of pain weighing upon her, but she could now focus with more clarity. The room she was in was calm, radiating with peace. It was as if a cooling salve had been applied to an old open wound and her breathing stabilized. The interior was as if it had been carved out of a deep blue carbuncle and for once such a color did not invoke a feeling of melancholy. In here, her soul was at rest.

At his mention of suffering a thousand deaths, she cracked a wry smile. "Not quite, though I'd say the number would be nearing the hundreds. It seems death likes to play coy with me, teasing me with life-or-death situations before cutting the rope at the last moment. I've been very unlucky. Perhaps that's why I've managed to live this long." Leaning back against the couch, she held onto the black blade with her left hand. "I am an outsider. I entered this world by the machinations of fortune, when I should have exhaled my final breath. The name is of no importance, only that it isn't anything like this one. It was during my final execution when I was displaced and thrown here." Shiloh then paused, contemplating how much more she should disclose. Continuing again, she spoke in a firm and clear voice.

"My name is Shiloh Kyrie. I arrived in Vilpamolan in a chained coffin. I believe there is no need to explain it further, as you can infer what was supposed to happen. You're probably wondering why someone like me would be carrying the weight of others' burdens. It's somewhat complicated, but I'm sure you have time to listen." Her voice trailed off as she recounted the beginning of the myth of the phantom who consumed shadows.

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who lived with her father. Her mother had died when she was but a girl, and her father had never remarried. They ran a modest estate, but when times grew tough and harvests failed the father was forced to borrow money to keep them afloat. Unfortunately the next following years continued the bad harvests, and soon they were unable to repay. It was then when the father and daughter were faced with a decision: sell their land to pay their debts and lose everything, or have the daughter take the offer of marrying a young lord in exchange for payment of their debts. The father was against it; he implored his daughter not to take the offer. Even if they had no land or home, they would still have each other. They could always find another way to pay off what they owed. But seeing that her father was getting along in years, the daughter could not bear to see him suffer. So she went against her conscience, and sold herself in exchange for her family's estate.

There was no love in that marriage. The man she wed was a cold and self-absorbed aristocrat. From the first day after their marriage she was forced to abide by a set of rules imposed by her husband. She was not allowed to move about freely, and could only leave the house with his permission. Every aspect of her life was controlled by his whims and executed by the servants, from what she wore to what she ate. Her friends and father were not allowed to see her, and it was no better than imprisonment in luxury. No matter how she tried to please him, she was met with coldness. Soon her long-suffering kindness wore out, and she fell into despair. She lost the will to eat, the will to live. After nearly tumbling from the balcony her servants were ordered to keep a close watch over her for her health's sake. There were times when in the darkness of despair, she contemplated taking her own life. One night after attending a gala with her husband, she knelt before an open window in her room and prayed. Shedding bitter tears she begged for anyone, anything who could hear her plea to rescue her from her golden cage. As the tears ran down face and onto her neck, she promised to give anything for a chance to escape.

Lo and behold, someone had heard the cry of her heart and in the night's silence a voice replied: 'You say are willing give anything for your freedom…is that right?'

Startled, she was taken aback by a shadowy silhouette before her. As she stared in shock the voice continued. 'The price of freedom is high. If you wish to gain anything, you in turn must give everything. So are the terms of my contract. Will you accept, or will you deny? The choice is yours.'

Though the figure before her was unearthly and sinister, she reached up and took its hand and whispered the words. "…I accept." In the twinkling of an eye, a fierce gale blasted the house–beating against the walls as if to tear it asunder. The servants were thrown into a panic and it was as if the entire foundation of the building was being shaken apart. In the dark of the night the woman watched as a grin spread across its face and the moon obscured by the clouds came into full view. 'You have chosen liberty, thus it shall be so. In exchange for everything you will be given a second chance in life. Listen now to my words, take heed and burn them into your memory. If you truly desire freedom, then you must do as I instruct you or all your actions will be in vain. You must cut all ties to your husband and have him release you out of his own will. Only when your bonds of marriage are broken will you be able to fly free.' 

The woman in turn responded: "How can this be done? There is no way for me to convince him. His heart is colder than ice and more unfeeling than stone. None of my sweet words or tears can move his hand in my favor." 'That is where you are wrong, milady. You need not waste such heartfelt sentiment over him. Rather, you must go with boldness and declare your own will of separation. If he will not give heed when you ask of him, then you must demand it. I will do my part in seeing that all comes to fruition. However when you declare your independence, you must refuse to take a single coin that belongs to him. Abandon everything that does not belong to you, and only take what you had before you became his wife. This is the first step to your freedom. Do this, and perhaps you will see a miracle.'

And so the woman obeyed the phantom's instructions and requested an audience with the lord. She declared her desire to break off her marriage with him and relinquish her position as his wife. When the man questioned her she felt her heart falter, but when she saw a glimpse of the phantom in the corner of the window she regained her resolve. For the first time in her life under that man's roof, she gave her demands. She declared the marriage be annulled and that she did not want a single penny in compensation. The debts of her father's estate had been paid in exchange for her marriage to him, and now that had been fulfilled there was no reason for her to continue any longer. Her husband denied her, and she was taken out of his sight by the guards. However as she was ushered out of the room she saw the phantom smile as it reached its hand to the glass. A week after being confined to her room, she overheard whispers from the servants.

On the day she had demanded her freedom, her husband's closest guards discovered a rusty knife embedded in the mantel of the study's fireplace bearing a note in ink of crimson red, penned by an unknown hand. The details of the letter were not disclosed, but they believed it was the work of a vengeful spirit out for blood. Later she was called in by her husband, who chose to concede to her demands. During her confinement strange things had been happening around the lord that forced his hand to sign the marriage annulment. In the presence of a magistrate and other witnesses, their union was legally dissolved. As the phantom had instructed, she took the things she had brought with her upon first entering that house and left. But before she reached the outskirts of town, the phantom visited her again. She thanked it for granting her wish and giving her freedom, yet the shadow told her it was not yet finished with its work. 'You have completed the first two steps, yet there is one more thing you must do. Your husband will renege on his promise, and will no doubt send men after you. To truly sever the last remaining link between you and him, you must give up your name.'

It asked of her a hard thing, and she resisted. The phantom spoke to her softly, reminding her that this was the price for being freed from that man's intentions, and that once this was done she would receive the new life she had asked for. 'In your marriage you had given your birth name, thus you can no longer use that name for yourself. You can choose for yourself a new name, any one you like. This new name will be the start of your new self and your new life…' 

As Shiloh concluded the story, she set the tourmaline blade against the couch. "Before the woman left with her new name, the phantom took its payment by taking all the grief and suffering she had endured in her marriage to that man. In an act of goodwill for the completion of their contract, the phantom foiled and harried the lord's men at every turn until they relented, allowing the woman to live in peace. Every sting and pain I feel from these shadows are borne from grief that they would have carried for a lifetime. Looking back on the things I have done, I have begun to wonder if I was truly helping them or performing acts of charity for my own selfish desires."

Author: Naota, Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 11:49 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

She was in so much pain, he could take it no longer and went to her. His hands gently rested on her shoulders to aid in giving her stability, but the moment his hands connected with her he felt his muscles tense. The pain was incredible and he suppressed a grimace, managing to keep a smile edged with discomfort, but real nonetheless. Well, that was certainly one way to describe his home. He nodded to her, “Yes, you’ve made it to the right place. Right now I’m going to bring you inside to the warmth…” His eyes searched her, the excruciation near palpable, “We’ll start from there.”

With that he moved both of them through rays of light until they were in the warm safety of the sapphire room. It was more private here, most visitors stopped by this area if they need to first gather themselves. The blue flamed fire gently crackled and he helped her to a soft deep couch. He knelt on the floor next to her, eyes scanning her before untying Torinasu from his hip and nudging it into her fingers if he could, “Grip onto this, it will help some.” Should she take it, it would sap a great deal of negativity from her, enough at least for the pain to subside for a short while so that they could work on fixing this issue.

“Where in the world have you come from? You seem as if you’ve suffered a thousand deaths.” He stood up, leaving his blade there with her should she decide to keep it held, and moved to one of the walls. A rarity that not many got, only a few chosen sets of hands had held that weapon. His palms rested on the sapphire adornments and he closed his eyes, sending his energy into the crystal work to charge them and help bring a soothing calm to the room. When he opened his eyes they were softly glowing brighter, and he moved back to her side, though he stayed knelt on the floor to give her breathing room.

“What is your name…?”

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:51 PM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

When the deity found her, Shiloh looked exhausted and haggard. However, it wasn't the harsh weather or difficult ascent up the mountain that had caused this. Her head was pounding, and it was interfering with her senses. The strain of the emotional burden had drowned out the normal influx of information from her eyes and ears, and was draining her strength. She had been separated from it for too long, and was forced to relearn how to cope with the excruciating pain. It felt like there were thorny vines underneath her skin. Each step only reasserted its presence, and as time went by it continued to creep further in. She could feel the negative emotions of those she had extracted them from crawling on her back. Her entire left arm was already nearly numb, and the blackness stretched its tendrils inward, reaching towards her heart.

It was hard to breathe, especially on the hike up the steps. If she had not been under stress, she would have stopped to admire the crystalline trees and her surroundings. In her current state she was fortunate that she could still focus on what was in front of her, as her peripheral senses were already being blocked from the agony. There was bile burning in her throat, and her forehead had stopped breaking out in cold sweat. Forcing herself to put one foot in front of the other through sheer willpower, she breathed heavily through clenched teeth. Once she was at the summit, her breathing slowed. It was still labored, but the headache was starting to lessen around her temples. She didn't notice or even hear Naota approach her until he spoke up. The cries of pain from negative fragments of others' psyches made it hard to hear. She had taken the burdens of at least a two dozen people back in her world, from the stings of betrayal to the untimely loss of loved ones.

Hearing a voice, she turned to face him. "I came here…to seek guidance…" Straining her eyes, she committed his appearance to memory. His hair was brown, his eyes were a peculiar shade of green. He looked rather young, and they were the same height. The most striking thing were those markings of his–they seemed to be glowing. She would have continued that train of thought if the pain wasn't distracting her from thinking. Looking past the open doors, she asked slowly. "…This is the shining temple–isn't it?" At the moment more descriptive words failed her, limiting her responses to something more laconic and terse. Her vision was fading in and out, but she willed herself to stay conscious. She was on a mountain, she reminded herself. No matter how hardy she was a tumble from this height would lead to certain death.

 

Author: Naota, Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:22 AM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

From his hovering throne he felt a pulse. It was unlike anything he’d experienced so far in his temple and it was so heavy that he was drawn from his meditation. There were a few people knelt near the altar, their heads bent in prayer. Soft glows resonated from them, some light pastels, other harsh neons, but all of them gradually leading towards gold. They were focused, healthy, at peace. So, what was this? His eyes lifted to Kagayaki, his light elemental that stayed guarding at the inside arch of the door. He nodded to him before flickering out of his black tourmaline seat only to reappear in his and Echo’s bed chambers.

Torinasu was waiting there for him with the rest of his weaponry, and he took it up quickly. An immediate electric shock surged through him with such force that his fingers gripped tightly from mere reaction. What was that?! Something was so horribly negative that he had enough energy in his blade to power a household should it all be converted to light. Had he not known better, he would have believed a pilgrimage had arrived at his doorstep. Yet there was no commotion on the grounds, nothing stirring. Suspicious…

Travelling through light, he brought himself to the entrance of Suisho no Kyuden and stared skeptically at the closed doors.  Someone was coming, possibly multiple people in great number. Hopefully there would be no danger, and he opened the doors just enough to move out of them. The sharp cold of the air comforted him, sending a new shock to his system as he slowly walked through the snow. He didn’t need to go far though before seeing the source.

It was a young woman, but what got his attention the most was how thick and apparent her aura was. Anyone with the sight would have been able to see it even without concentration, and she appeared to be more of a walking shadow: a black smudge against the otherwise white surroundings. Who was she…? Still he felt no danger coming off of her, and Torinasu was drawn to her with undeniable magnetism. Well no wonder she was venturing to his temple…

He went to her quickly, worry overtaking his skepticism, “You there, are you all right?” His emerald eyes were wide, shining brightly as he gave her a quick once over, “Do you need assistance into the temple…?” And most importantly, what in the world had brought her to this dangerous state? All this and more he would ask in time, but for now he was focusing on getting her somewhere safe where she could rest.

Author: Shiloh Kyrie, Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 2:30 AM, Post Subject: Angustias [GO]

Please! Please, don't leave me! I beg of you, I'll do anything; just don't leave me here alone! …Why? How could you do this to me? But I loved you! Didn't we say back then that we'd work hard to get married, and live the rest of our lives together? It's not true… It can't be true. It must be some kind of mistake, I must be seeing things. We were going to spend our wedding night by the sea, along the riviera. We were going to make reservations, and even rent a carriage… I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think anymore. Was all of it in vain?

You will do as you're told, and exactly as I say. And if you don't, there will be consequences. Understood? Should you choose to defy me, rest assured you will surely regret it. …I am a prisoner in my own house. I entered a loveless marriage arranged against my own volition. The man I call my husband is a tyrant who only loves himself. I am only a wife in name, and our relationship exists on paper. I cannot go anywhere without that man's permission, and when I am allowed outside I am followed by escorts. Everything I eat, wear, say, and do is dictated by him. The only thing I have that belongs to me are my tears. My family was in debt–far more than we were able to repay. Instead of marrying rich, I was essentially forced into a marital contract. As I stand on the edge of the balcony, I wonder how long I can maintain this mockery of a marriage.

I see no hope. I see no way out. From the depths of my heart I cry out, hoping somebody somewhere can hear me. Please, someone…make this pain go away. SAVE ME.

It was happening again. When she had left her world and entered this one, Shiloh had lost most of the power that she had. Everything had been wiped clean, like a fresh slate and she had forgotten. As time went by, slowly but surely it began to seep back in, returning to her. These memories were not hers, but she knew where they had come from. Although she herself had not experienced them, she could feel every emotion and all the pain. When she was out in the wilderness or in cities like Vilpamolan and Adeluna, they had not surfaced. But when she passed through Egjora, she began to hear them.

It started with the whispers. When she set foot in the city, the place appeared to be more clean and orderly than Adeluna. Everyone was civil and courteous, and welcomed visitors. But deep down she couldn't shake the feeling that something was deeply and terribly wrong. On the surface the city and duchy seemed well-organized and prosperous, but as time passed things started leaking through the cracks in the facade. The atmosphere was stifling, even more so than a sealed storeroom. It felt stale to the point of being unbearably suffocating. The air was rife with discontent, lingering like the stench of smoke. They might be smiling on the outside, but she could see it in their eyes. Hate, injustice, despair, hopelessness. It was overpowering, and Shiloh could no longer bear it. 

One night, she woke up with her blanket drenched in sweat and her fingers clawing into the ground with dirt underneath the nails. How could she have forgotten? The days she had spent in Canelux up until that moment had been taken for granted. There was a time when she had taken it upon herself to ease the hearts of the downtrodden by relieving them of the burden of their suffering. By taking their sorrow, their anger, their anguish, she freed them from those thoughts and took them within herself. Over time, the burdens she accumulated grew and it began to take its toll on her body. It took all that she had to keep herself from being consumed. And now…it was back with a vengeance. 

This was why she was here. As she ascended the mountain, the chill dulled her senses to make it almost bearable. From what she had learned about the religion of this world, this was the place for those who sought guidance and whose hearts were troubled. She needed answers, someone to talk to. If she kept them inside any longer, she felt like she would explode.